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>"Aircraft Landings"	
>
>An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered
>his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which
>required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers 
>exited, give a smile, and a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said 
>that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the 
>passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart 
>comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old 
>lady walking with a cane. She said, 
>"Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?"
>"Why no Ma'am, what is it?"
>"Did we land or were we shot down?"
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>>From a Southwest Airlines employee...
>
>"Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX, to YYY. To operate your
>seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works 
>just like every other seat belt, and if you don't know how to operate 
>one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the 
>event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend 
>from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your 
>face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask 
>before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small 
>children, decide now which you love more.  Weather at our destination 
>is 50 degrees with some broken clouds,  but they'll try to have them 
>fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, 
>or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>United Airlines 
>FA: "Ladies and Gentlemen, as you are all now painfully aware, our 
>Captain has landed in Seattle. From all of us at United Airlines we'd 
>like to thank you for flying with us today and please be very careful 
>as you open the overhead bins as you may  be killed by falling 
>luggage that shifted during our so called "touch down."
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>About 5 or 6 years ago I was on an American Airlines flight into
>Amarillo, Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day. I could tell 
>during the final that the Captain was really having to fight it, and 
>after an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant come on the 
>PA and  announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. 
>Please remain in  your seats with your seat belt fastened while the 
>Captain  taxies what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: 
>"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces 
>us to the terminal."
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Upon landing hard, the pilot gets on the PA system, "Sorry folks for 
>the hard landing. It wasn't the pilot's fault, and it wasn't the plane's 
>fault. It was the asphalt.